
I’m watching the 8th stage of the Giro at the moment and just saw Andy Hansen sit up and bang his bars after a long break in front of the peloton. I know that feeling. G and I talked about that feeling yesterday on our ride home. It’s the feeling of submission to The Wall.
Rewind back to yesterday’s morning commute. It was, to say the least, one of the best commutes I’ve ever had. If it weren’t for the 4 am roll-out, I’d probably do it more often. The roads were completely empty. There was barely any noise, aside from the birds and my freewheel (thankfully, R’s stop-gap measures for my rear hub worked). There’s something to be said for the experience of a city between 3 and 5 am. It is a world without distractions or a need for a heightened sense of awareness or paranoia. It is a world of empty roads, quieted by the shroud of night, yet optimistically awaiting the new day… which is hinted at by the slight change in hue along the horizon. It was peaceful.
It was also interesting. The few people you do manage to see beg the question “What are they doing around here at this hour?” At 6 am, there are many more people around so it’s easy to not notice them. At 4 am, it’s a whole other story.
Anyway, I was near-giddy the entire ride across the first valley floor and up the morning climb. The descent into the next valley reminded me of the roller coasters that are built indoors or have sections in complete darkness. My light was, of course, on… but flying down a curvy, unlit road felt just like that special breed of roller coasters, which play off the fear of the unknown. At the bottom, I could once again see the progress of dawn.

I stopped at the coffee shack again. “You’re a few hours early today.” True, I was… but I didn’t feel that way at all. If anything, I felt more awake and eager for the day. A motorcyclist, who had parked their set of two wheels off to the side, was amused by my position in the line of cars. “I bet it’s a great feeling to know you’re not wasting gas idling in line,” they said to me as they walked back to their Hog. In all honesty, I very rarely think of my riding in relation to gas usage. Sure, it’s an added bonus… and, in the beginning, it was definitely something I thought about… but now, it’s more about the riding itself.
A few weeks ago, one of the lunch ride guys made a comment to G that’s stuck with me for some reason or another… G had indicated he’d be skipping the lunch ride that day because he’d ridden in with me in the morning. The guy simply responded with “Pffft… commuter.” The amusing thing to me is that some of the strongest riders within the lunch group regularly bike commute and see it as a great way to build base miles. As one of ‘em said to me once “This [bike commuting] is like putting cash in an ATM… and it’s super-easy to withdraw the cash when you need it.” Of course, this would have more significance to me if I were interested itching that competitive twitch… which is certainly there. It just isn’t annoying me enough… yet.
The rest of the ride in along the trail was about as serene as one could imagine. Dawn was breaking, patches of mist hung in fields and near the rivers and the world was just waking up.


I made it to my destination just in time for the festivities to begin. It was quite a kick to see so many bike commuters out and about. The phenomenal weather forecast certainly helped coax a few people out, I’m sure. I was also pleased to see that the new rider who had joined our entourage the day before had ridden again. It’s not easy to get back in the saddle the next day after your first ride, after you’ve pushed yourself in a whole new way.

It isn’t very noticeable, but the Pugsley on the left has a basket attached to its seat tube. Best Pugsley mod ever. I also learned quite a bit about a number of coworkers… or rather, I learned what kind of bikes they ride. One colleague rolled up with the biggest grin I’d ever seen on his face… all he could say was “You gotta love a God that’ll give you a tailwind for 47 miles.” The rest of the day was a bit distracted, as people shared their various stories of commuting in. I ended up leaving with G around 1 and was quite amused to find several other riders getting ready to roll out for the day.
We rolled at a steady pace, shooting the shit per usual. I felt decent, given that it was the end of the week and I was riding on fatigued legs and 5 hours of sleep. As we climbed Little Euro (which still has some of its encouraging commentary on the road from the century a couple weeks ago), G commented to me “Just think how much it hurt to climb this a month ago…” After looking at my computer, my response was simply “A month ago, I was climbing this nearly twice as fast.”
Fatigue is a funny thing. However, G’s comment got me thinking. He’s right in a way, of course. Climbing is easier, and I’m sure I’d be flying up the hill if my legs were rested sufficiently. Mondays tempt me to push in order to see just how easy it’s become… however I rarely do push because I know that I’ll suffer the consequences throughout the week. I’m not riding to break records; learning to pace myself is the goal. However, with it being Friday and having two days of (mostly) rest ahead of me, I decided to test something out. Once around the sharp turn, with only a hundred yards to the top, I jumped. G of course reacted and overtook me within a few strokes… but I wasn’t riding against him. I wanted to see how much I could push myself.
It only took a few seconds out of the saddle before I hit The Wall. I had nothing left to withdraw from the ATM. So in seeing Andy Hansen sit up and bang his bars, I could only think to myself “I know that feeling.” It’s frustration. It’s realizing your limits. It’s finally listening to your body after ignoring it for so long. G and I talked about it the rest of the ride into town. I couldn’t help but think about the segment on Radio Lab about self-deception and how athletes who are able to consistently deceive or lie to themselves about their respective competitions do better. In other words, they’re able to shut up that voice that says “Stop.”

Of course, I’m not out to “win” anything. There are times when I’ll push myself, sure… but it’s nothing more than exploring my limits. I’ll toy with G’s honed sense of competition, but it’s kind of like the little kitten pawing at the nose of a Rottweiler. And that’s fine by me, because it’s more about riding than anything else… and when I’m riding–even when I’m fatigued beyond comprehension–I’m happy.


And speaking of happy… the above picture is of what is, for me, two blocks of bliss. Every ride home, no matter how grueling or stressful, I end up smiling for these two blocks… because I’m able to sit up off my bars and coast. I can’t put my finger on why this section is so perfect, but it is.